i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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