Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
