you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
my being single is dangerous.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
