News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Randomize
