Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
