yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
