Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I forget how to act sober
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
