i just wanna soil my oats bro
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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