Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
