So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
