Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
