Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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