I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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