we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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