whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
