I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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