I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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