so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
