After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize