Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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