I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
