she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
