Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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