u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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