he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
