In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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