shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
