trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
