Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize