just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
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