I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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