White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
