rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
