Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
