the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
