mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
