I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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