We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Randomize
