I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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