you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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