Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
