the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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