STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
