Hey man sorry I got all grabby
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
