Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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