you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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