i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
