Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
