Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
