it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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