I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
