He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
