Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
