That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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