Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
