Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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