I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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