I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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