I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
