Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
