omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
my poor anus
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
