I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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