She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
