Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
