I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
