its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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