I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
