If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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