i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
