Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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